when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
