We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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