y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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