Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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