well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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