you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
