Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
