The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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