i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
