Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
