you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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