I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
