Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize