my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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