guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
