yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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