It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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