I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
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I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
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I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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