Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
