I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
