My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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