dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
