That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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