girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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