You kept calling me your small dog last night.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
