I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
