We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
