I think my fart just growled at me.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize