Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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