Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
