she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
