Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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