i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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