What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Randomize
