dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
