There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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