she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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