MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
