I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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