If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
