So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
ok first of all what the fuck
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
