but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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