Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
