no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
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