once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
