i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
