Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
