Can i not drive my cunt home
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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