I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
