I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
