I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
