Even the bartender felt bad for me
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
