I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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