I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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