1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
