i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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