I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
