Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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