garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
