You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I have fence marks all over my body
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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