Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
