matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
