Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
