This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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