so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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