it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
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