What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
