I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
