were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
