The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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