i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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