someone threw a dead crab at me
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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