You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
