I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
