just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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