just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Randomize
