I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
